The Alliance of the So and Dama Goddess [13 Dec 2004|06:34am] [ mood | Anxious ] [ music | BAL-SAGOTH - Callisto Rising ] I have been in a very fantasy mood. The other day I watched DUNE for the first time, it is absoloutely amazing. Very very weird and surreal and staggeringly well-made. It left me feeling rather weird, however. I always used to hear about thse people who could not tell the difference between fantasy and reality, and I never knew what it meant, but I think know I do. I think this line is blurring for me, and it is rather scary, but also rather intruiging and exciting. I feel I view the world differently now, in some small but drastic way. STRAY NOT INTO MY DARKSOME EMBRACE. LEST I GRIND MY JAWS ON YOUR SOUL. I watched Lord of The Rings too. It is really good, very well made. I think that Aragorn is my favourite character, whenever he strides (GET IT!?) into battle, I feel very excited. Legolas too, is one of my favourites now, atleast in battle. Danny has a video phone, one that can, make videos. We were taking videos and he decided it would be funny to shove matches up his nose and light them, while filming. I tried to tell him that it is a bit silly, but he did it anyway. It was amazing. We played the video back, and it appears that he lights them, a flare rises up, and then "Blizzard" is cast in the top right corner, extinguishing the flames as Danny shouts "POWWWWWWWWWER!" MADNESS. I think I fancy making Atshing armbands now. 2 comments|post comment

I love the smell of Napalm in the morning. [06 Nov 2004|11:56pm] [ mood | Unsetteled ] [ music | Gackt - Oasis ] I feel overblown by life. I am not sure if it is simply due to my realization that life is so big, vast, full of complications and simplicity and seemingly pointless, or due to something else. I feel like I have reached a certain point in my mind where absoloutely nothing matters; it is not a bad point, I do not believe. I think it is infact a very good one that will probaly lead to me realizing again that everything does matter. But being here is worrying and somewhat empty and taxing on my brain. I have come to a point where I realize there is no point in anything, how can there be? My brain simply cannot understand the concept of life being worth anything. I think partly this is due to the fact I have no idea of what happens when somebody dies. Everything that happens happens on Earth. It either advances the Earth, stagnates it, or brings it back. But what is the point? I used to think the point of life was to realize there was no point in life, and therefore create one yourself, but now I have come to a brick wall. I see people dying on the news, people crying, people laughing, people smiling, and I wonder, what is the point? It just continues on and on again and again. What is the point in any of it if it leads nowhere but to the start of another cycle of the same we have always been through? I feel somewhat empty, but also somewhat fresh and clean. I feel my life is void of colour, even in the words I use and the tones I use. I want back this magnificent colour, but I am struggling against it. I am struggling to fight this need for value in life, as if I am rebelling against all that life used to mean, that I am purposely stripping it of all it's meaning and significance. And for what? To make me feel worse, that seems the only outcome, although I would like to think I have gained some kind of understanding into the way the my mind works and a little into the way the world works. I feel a loss of colour and texture, as if every source has been stripped of the elegance and beauty it once held. As if I am seeing things simply as they are. Everything seems so bland and meaningless. post comment

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